July Memo's

Dear Macy's,

I used to love your INC brand tops when I was thin and even when I was chubby-ish they were sleek and brightly patterned sources of joy. I delighted in the stretchy polyester comfort of your garments and found them quite professional looking.

Now that I am larger your offerings are more limited. And your styles have evolved with the trends as well--the current trend seems to be Disco Prostitute Who Is Not At All Particular.

In case you were confused, I do not require slit sleeve,  exposed shoulder or halter tops for my professional career. Likewise I find the need for strapless tops and sheer bathing suit cover ups to be nonexistent. I do not go to clubs. I do not dance unless there is a musical baby einstein plastic turtle playing. Perhaps my lifestyle no longer complements your aesthetic. But I think you are the ones out of touch.

So I suspect your design team might want to do a little focus group with some women above size ten. We have tasks to perform in public and cannot simply float around with our shoulders exposed and great floppy sleeves flapping about getting in the way. Please do try to be useful.

Regards,
Diva

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Dear DH,

Nice job taking care of the baby while I'm sick.

Really. She's fed. She's slept some. It's all good.

Impressed,
The Diva

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Dear Nook,

Why is your screen not backlit? I have to turn on a light to lie in bed and read? How are you better than a book (apart from storing zillions of titles without cluttering up my house)? I know the new models are backlit but what took you so long? I'm not in the market for a new ereader. I haven't even lost the cord to this one yet.

Blah!
Diva

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Dear Medical Community,

Please make medications that are safe for nursing mothers and their babies.
Seriously.
I can't have an antihistamine because it would reduce milk supply. The only dang antibiotic I can have for my bronchitis is ezithromycin which is about as effective as taking a peanut M&M.

I am SUFFERING. I want to be well and take care of my baby. I do not want to pump and dump, I do not want to persist in being ill. So why don't you do something instead of researching crap like erectile dysfunction all the time? We do not need more jazzy treatments for ED or balding. Ask any woman.

Snifflingly Yours,
Diva

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Dear Recliner,

I lurrrrve you. You are comfy. I can sleep and breathe at the same time.

Affectionately,
Diva

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Dear Younger Poodle,

Stop jumping on me. I am not dead. Just sleeping.

Reassuringly,
Diva