Excerpts

Actual Quotes from this week:



First grader runs and hugs me:
FG:  I want to hug you but I can't get my arms around your butt.
DIVA:  You're my favorite now. That is the funniest thing I heard all week.


Class receives second compliment for behavior in space of three minutes.
DIVA:  I am so proud of you. Pat yourselves on the back for being sage and showing your excellence.
STUDENT (shouts): We are on FIRE TODAY!


DH arrives home at 8:30pm
DIVA: This sucks. I had a twenty second shower...i literally only washed my hair while the baby sat in the high chair with an ipad i feel like a shitty mother. You have to help me.
DH: I have responsibilities in my job.

(okay that just pissed me off and I had to throw it in)



STUDENT:  It looks like I peed. I didn't pee I just spilled! What do I do?
DIVA: Okay, go wipe off with paper towels and back your butt up to the hand dryer. I had to do that once and Other Teacher walked into the bathroom while I was drying my butt and was all 'what in the world are you doing?' because it looks really funny. Go!


Aid notes that parent has brought crackers and juice for snack but no cups.
AID: What are you supposed to let them each take a slug out of the bottle?
DIVA:  Take one down pass it around? Yeah, now I have to use up the cups I bought for the party. (sigh)

STUDENT: When is our party?
DIVA: Friday
STUDENT B:  What's today?
DIVA:  Tuesday.
STUDENT:  So it's TOMORROW. Our party's TOMORROW.
DIVA: Um, no that means tomorrow's wednesday. Come to the calendar with me. We need to brush up on our days.


Upon receiving an unexpected and gamechanging text, Diva whoops and squeals. Drags friend from her classroom, thrusting phone into her face. Friend hoots and high fives and screams also. Other teacher bellows:
"Why are you two screaming?"
DIVA: YOU HAVE TO COME LOOK AT THIS?
OT:  When someone says that it's always something I wish I hadn't seen.
DIVA:  No really. Come look.
OT looks, nods.
OT:  That's good news. (returns to classroom)
DIVA AND FRIEND resume dancing, screaming, carrying on. (fyi: kids were all at lunch we only act like hooligans during our free time)