My meetings yesterday could not have gone better, a fact I credit to the genuine concern of the guardians involved. I was incredibly pleased with the outcomes.
Now for the panic.
Today I have my employee evaluation. A forty five minute classroom observation by my principal followed by a post conference detailing what's good and what's bad. Now I've had multiple evals from the previous principal who had known me since I was a second grader and was, shall we say, indulgent. The new principal is in point of fact excellent and far more rigorous in his professionalism. I am unsure how he will react to the fact that my kids stand up and wiggle to "Hall of Fame" by the Script every time it comes on iTunes and sit under their desks to do work when they're in a bad mood. I'm a creative. I'm the weird teacher, the bohemian teacher. I've enjoyed that designation while backed up by superior evaluations. I have a really messy desk and my classroom, while fun, is cluttered. With bright teal walls.
In short, I'm afraid I suck. Years ago Oprah did a show about how a majority of women in the US answered yes to the question, "I'm afraid people will realize I don't know what I'm doing." I thought that was a self-esteem crisis and spoke about the sexist world we live in. Right now it's just a powerful insecurity.
My colleague tried to reassure me that the eval was "nothing." She had hers last week and it was great. She is the diametric opposite of me. I love her a lot. Still, neat as a pin, regimented, detail oriented and if you found a speck of dust in that room I can assure you it was imaginary and you should blame yourself.
So if that went very well, I feel a bit in the crosshairs this morning. I'll try to straighten my desk maybe. I still have to be me though because this class deserves an education today, not a teacher who's posing and trying to appear beatific and organized. They are a fantastic group and for them I'll try ot act normal. Or abnormal, rather.